第18部分(第2/8 頁)

　I　have　also　already　alluded；　was　he　perhaps　aware　of　them。　However；　so　I　acted　in　my　hurt　pride　and　anger；　and　there　the　thing　remains。　I　may　say　in　excuse　of　this　want　of　judgment　that　I　was　very　young；　only　twenty；　and　that　I　had　to　make　up　my　mind　on　the　spot　while；　as　the　Zulus　say；　“my　heart　was　cut　in　two。”

Moreover　I　repeat　my　belief　that　the　finger　of　Fate　was　at　work　in　the　matter；　how　and　why　perhaps　we　should　have　to　go　back；　or　forward；　ages　or　aeons　to　explain。　Years　ago　I　came　to　the　conclusion　that　our　individual　lives　and　the　accidents　which　influence　them　are　not　the　petty　things　they　seem　to　be；　but　rather　a　part　of　some　great　scheme　whereof　we　know　neither　the　beginning　nor　the　end。　The　threads　of　our　destinies；　in　black　or　in　scarlet　or　in　sombre　grey；　appear　and　disappear　before　our　mortal　eyes；　but　who　can　figure　out　the　tapestry　that　they　help　to　weave？　That　picture　lies　beyond　our　ken　or　even　our　imagining。

The　insect　sees　more　than　the　worm；　the　snake　more　than　the　insect；　the　dog　more　than　the　snake；　and　the　man；　erect　in　his　pride；　more　than　all　of　them。　But　how　much　does　the　man　see　of　the　whole　great　universe；　or　even　of　this　little　earth？

To　the　best　of　my　belief　I　answered　my　father’s　letter；　which　I　think　I　destroyed　upon　the　spot；　very　briefly；　saying　that　I　had　abandoned　my　idea　of　ing　home。　Apparently　this　letter　was　not　preserved。　One　remains；　however；　which　appears　to　allude　to　the　subject；　and　from　it　I　quote　some　ex